When I was in the midst of a life-shattering breakup, I didn’t lay awake at night wishing for the relationship to return to solid ground. I didn’t even wish for him to have a change of heart. Instead, I prayed for the ability to see one year into the future. I simply needed to know that eventually, at some point I would be in tact – breathing, enjoying life and as far removed from the painful present moment as possible.
Unfortunately, we can’t glimpse into the future. And we can never be certain that on this date, one year later, we will be in a better emotional, physical, or mental state than we are today. I, however, was. I gained perspective over that period of time I didn’t think was possible. I reconnected with myself and realized how capable I was of living a vibrant life all on my own.
Some three years after that ordeal, the struggle is in creating the professional life I can only imagine would feel better than the one I have been living over the past year. In exchange for creative freedom and ownership of my time, I handed over a steady paycheck and a cushy safety net of healthcare benefits and a pension.
And I found myself, again, wishing I could see one year into the future, to know that the decisions I’m making today won’t leave a gaping hole in my financial security. To know that this leap would leave me with a full plate of work, but also the flexibility and freedom I had been dreaming of.
A glimpse into the future and a lack of growth in the present
No matter how much I want the ability to know everything will be pieced together in a way I deem perfect, there are no guarantees, only room to exercise faith. Faith that each step will be illuminated once I get there, and not a moment before. Faith that I reached this moment for a reason, and no journey can be authentic if I already know the ending place.
If I would have known at the onset of my breakup that 15 months later I would meet my best friend and begin a relationship so perfectly suited to me and what I needed in my life, I wouldn’t have worked as hard to establish my own independence. I wouldn’t have accepted dates or worked to figure out what type of partner would compliment the life I wanted to have.
Why the past solidifies the need to believe
Knowing the future would have made me complacent in the present and stunted my growth in ways I wouldn’t have even been aware of.
For this reason, I choose to trust in this journey to establishing a career I am happy to reunite with on Monday mornings. I trust that every door closed and every struggle to gain some kind of solid footing is simply preparing me for the next step. And the next step will resemble more and more of the life I want to live.
We may not have the ability to flip the calendar, but we can see how things in the past have unraveled themselves in the most perfect way, and trust that we will look back on the current situation with the same 20/20 vision.